I decided to write about this (perhaps against my better judgement) because I know it is such a divisive issue. So often I hear the question, "Is lolita a sex thing?" and along with it the vehement cry of, "NO! It has nothing at all to do with sex!" Which is fine, for the most part. Except that I think it's a huge generalisation.
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| Mana - looking sexy! |
I understand that there are a lot of reasons why girls don't want lolita to be associated with sex, not least the connotations of underage sex through reference to the Nabokov novel of the same name. Many lolitas dress the way they do because they want nothing more (from their clothing at least) than to enjoy a childlike, innocent aesthetic. But personally I find it insulting when I'm confronted with a blanket statement that the fashion and the lifestyle cannot have anything to do with sex, or else it's sick and twisted.
I love lolita for a lot of reasons. I love it because it reminds me of all the best parts of my childhood, I love it because it's decadent, I love it because of the attention to detail involved in its appreciation. I also love it because it makes me feel deviously sexy. And I know I'm not the only one.
When I put on my most adorable outfit, I have mixed feelings. I love that I can be playful and carefree in it. But a little part of me enjoys the awkwardness it evokes in the men around me (and some of the women too!), as they struggle with their feelings of attraction to something they 'shouldn't' be attracted to. I get a lot of looks, not just because I'm different, but because I'm an object of desire. I could go on for pages and pages about evolution and biology and men's attraction to youth, but it would be tiresome. Suffice to say that it is the most natural thing in the world for a woman to want to appear very young, and for a man to find that appealing. We should stop being surprised that people think it's a 'sex thing'.
I don't want to give the impression that lolita is a fetish for me. It most certainly is not. I wear these sweet clothes because they make me feel pretty and carefree and happy in the most naive and enjoyable way possible. All the same, I can't escape the fact that I love it when my boyfriend calls me his little girl!
How do you feel about lolita being seen in a sexual light? Do you like to keep your loli away from your sex? Is lolita a common part of your sex life? Does it matter to you either way? Does it matter less to you how you view it as opposed to how others view it? I'd love to hear from you!
