I decided to write about this (perhaps against my better judgement) because I know it is such a divisive issue. So often I hear the question, "Is lolita a sex thing?" and along with it the vehement cry of, "NO! It has nothing at all to do with sex!" Which is fine, for the most part. Except that I think it's a huge generalisation.
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| Mana - looking sexy! |
I understand that there are a lot of reasons why girls don't want lolita to be associated with sex, not least the connotations of underage sex through reference to the Nabokov novel of the same name. Many lolitas dress the way they do because they want nothing more (from their clothing at least) than to enjoy a childlike, innocent aesthetic. But personally I find it insulting when I'm confronted with a blanket statement that the fashion and the lifestyle cannot have anything to do with sex, or else it's sick and twisted.
I love lolita for a lot of reasons. I love it because it reminds me of all the best parts of my childhood, I love it because it's decadent, I love it because of the attention to detail involved in its appreciation. I also love it because it makes me feel deviously sexy. And I know I'm not the only one.
When I put on my most adorable outfit, I have mixed feelings. I love that I can be playful and carefree in it. But a little part of me enjoys the awkwardness it evokes in the men around me (and some of the women too!), as they struggle with their feelings of attraction to something they 'shouldn't' be attracted to. I get a lot of looks, not just because I'm different, but because I'm an object of desire. I could go on for pages and pages about evolution and biology and men's attraction to youth, but it would be tiresome. Suffice to say that it is the most natural thing in the world for a woman to want to appear very young, and for a man to find that appealing. We should stop being surprised that people think it's a 'sex thing'.
I don't want to give the impression that lolita is a fetish for me. It most certainly is not. I wear these sweet clothes because they make me feel pretty and carefree and happy in the most naive and enjoyable way possible. All the same, I can't escape the fact that I love it when my boyfriend calls me his little girl!
How do you feel about lolita being seen in a sexual light? Do you like to keep your loli away from your sex? Is lolita a common part of your sex life? Does it matter to you either way? Does it matter less to you how you view it as opposed to how others view it? I'd love to hear from you!
This is sweet!
ReplyDeleteUmm I don't see that there can be a division between lolita and sex. Loli's definitely have sex appeal as you said because there is an attraction towards youth, vibrancy, life, and innocence. :"D
ReplyDeleteOn a very basic level, lolita is about beauty and aesthetics. And beauty and aesthetics have had a role in sex since time immemorial, so I think it's just an overreaction to more social issues and perceptions which lead to the whole 'lolita has nothing to do with sex appeal'. And of course, the whole concept of sex appeal is a fluid concept that's changed throughout the course of history. It's probably because lolitas are the most visible in a crowd of people dressed in a mainstream fashion, disregarding the fact that both manners of dress can be construed in a sexual and non sexual manner.
ReplyDeleteI don't see it as a fetish but I love it when my boyfriend tells me it suits me <3
ReplyDeleteI want to elaborate more but I'll do it in a post and link to your blog :P
I think a part of the reason why some of the lolita's don't like to say it is a sexual thing is it because first and foremost they do it for themselves and for the attention that it gives them, whether positive or negative.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog. ;) I've noticed something about the girls who get huffy whenever sexuality+lolita comes up in discussions. Most of them are a) young teens, or b) are obviously religious, or are both a and b. These are often the same posters who will comment on a post saying they feel shorter skirts in lolita are "slutty", or that wearing a JSK without a blouse is too risque. (They're also the same posts who'll talk about how disgusting regular clothing like jeans and tight shirts are.) I think they're a very vocal but very small minority, since whenever the topic comes up the majority of girls seem to agree that lolita can have sexual elements or look and feel sexy.
ReplyDeleteI personally happen to like the sexy aspects of lolita, because I'm an adult and not a little girl. It's fun to look naive and innocent, but I don't want to be naive and innocent because I happen to like sex and all the fun stuff that comes with it. I get really sick of the slut-shaming on egl, and I often feel like some of the girls there must be posting from the 18th century.
Once again thanks everyone for all your comments, I love the feedback I'm getting, especially stuff I would never have thought of myself :)
ReplyDeleteI love how much of a discussion workshop your blog is! It's really nice.
ReplyDeleteLolita and sex...
Personally, I'd prefer people don't associate the two - because I don't want people to /automatically/ assume that's why I do it, when I dress in lolita almost as an escapism from the sexualism that pervades our lives (there is a large rant / well-known school of thought about the problem of over-saturation and taboo of sex/sexualism in the West/meda that I won't go into here).
But of course everyone has different reasons that everyone else should respect. I don't see how anyone could blatantly deny that there are absolutely no sexual aspects to lolita (I mean, rule 34, for a start) and in the end I have to admit that a lolita with her dress in disarray and mussed hair from a very intimate tete-a-tete is rather a lovely image in itself, like a bruised rose.
Hehe, this post made me giggle ... :) my boyfriend calls me his little girl, to!
ReplyDeleteLolita and sex...
ReplyDeleteI think that is a personal decision one makes for their own sexual needs, just because what you wear Lolita clothing doesn't make you a tramp. I have sewed Lolita clothes for young women and have found the shy ones want something alluring and a bit off key to attract boys. Like a very low cut blouse and a bustier to show off their creamy pink and large breasts. Gothic Lolita's want costumes that go to extremes to match there horrid personalities because they crave the attention and wish to flaunt there wears. If you want to be a sexual Lolita that is your call, I just feel anything women wear is sexy period.